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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
measured-words
biggaybunny

Early video game designer: Okay, we’re just about done with this level

Video game designer’s manager: Great! Did you figure out what to put at the end?

designer: Yeah, we put this tough, nasty, mean, ugly monster that the player has to beat. We made sure killing the monster feels as rewarding as possible.

manager: Cool! So what’s it called?

designer: The boss.

manager:

manager: why’s it called that

Source: biggaybunny
fearieshadow
polyglotplatypus

if u ever wonder how europeans can rely on trains so much to travel thru entire countries

image

this is why

(312km/h is about 194mph)

thats-pretty-much-it

? Yea is this not the same everywhere??

polyglotplatypus

image

doesnt seem to be

disregardcanon

Also, most areas in America don’t even HAVE passenger rail anymore

quietdoppelganger

The automotive industry purposely tried to kill off trains here in America

salty-blue-mage

Public transit in general if we’re being honest.

supernaturallymarvelousmoosefan

As an europeean, what the fuck america?

technicolorrelays

if you ever see something weird about america chances are it’s because some powerful industry decided to kill something that would have worked towards the public good for profit

Source: polyglotplatypus
lanternwisp
garashirs

concept: a game called “john mulaney or cecil palmer?” where you have to guess if a quote was said by popular stand-up comedian john mulaney or fictional radio host cecil gershwin palmer

garashirs

this might sound easy, but please keep in mind that john mulaney has said “whoa, that tall child looks terrible! get some rest, tall child! you can’t keep burning the candle at both ends!” and cecil palmer has said “alligators: can they kill your children? yes.”

quicksilver-ace

John has said “🎶Because we’re Delta Airlines, and life is a fucking nightmare! 🎶” and Cecil has said “Delta Airlines, because it’s not like you’re safe anywhere else.”

kathrynduske

A concept: John Mulaney is a former radio host from Night Vale

Source: hexglyphs
blazichu
pervocracy

Moving tip: the first thing you should bring into the new house is a roll of toilet paper.  The second thing is drinking glasses or water bottles.  The third thing is curtains or blinds.  Then everything else.

shlevy

Nope, router first. Otherwise agreed.

pervocracy

Router last.  Otherwise this happens:

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thebaconsandwichofregret

I’m on my 11th house in 23 years and here’s what should be in your “first” box:

Toilet roll,

Kettle,

Tea/coffee,

Mugs (enough for the number of people helping you to move),

A bottle opener (wine or beer at your discretion)

Disposable plates and cutlery (because the last thing you want to do once you’ve unpacked is wash up)

This was the system perfected by my parents who’ve lived in about 40 houses between them.

thebaconsandwichofregret

ADDITION:

When you get to your new place send someone out for milk for the teas and coffees also maybe biscuits.

Order takeaway your first night. I’m told in America the traditional moving dinner is pizza. We’ve always had a Chinese.

gallusrostromegalus

First Box: keep this box handy, pack it while you’re packing and put it in the truck LAST, or up in the front with you so you can get to it right away:

  • TP and toilet plunger. Hopefully you won’t need the plunger on the first night but it’d be AWFUL to have to look for it in case of emergency.
  • kette/coffee maker and necessary hot beverage supplies.  Including Mugs.  Caffeination is Key.
  • Your fave pan and spatula.  You have one.  You won’t use it the first night but I promise that you will NOT be done unpacking the kitchen stuff before you’re sick of takeout.
  • Duct Tape
  • Batteries
  • Cleaning supplies- paper towels, all-purpose cleaner, duster- houses get gross when left alone
  • Router, becuase we’re millenials and we’re going to be googling how to fix/turn on and assemble everything.
  • Enough bedding to cover your mattress while you sleep on it for the first few nights.
  • cell phone/laptop chargers
  • change of clothes, maybe two
  • If you have some kind of water filter that also fits in this box, bring that.  

PURCHASE, FIRST NIGHT:

  • When you’re getting takeout, get the disposable plates/flatware/cups.  Also get takeout sooner rather than later so you don’t collapse of hypoglycemia in the middle of unloading boxes like me, a moron.
  • I personally reccomend chinese.  
  • If you’ve moved to an area where it’s not safe to drink the tap water unflitered and you’re a dummy like me that forgot to put your filter in the First Box, get enough bottled water to stay hydrated until you can get your filter set up.
  • milk, eggs, your preferred cooking fat, other meal/pantry staples.
  • Something fun like cookies or booze. You’ve had a tough day.
  • If you forgot the TP/batteries/duct tape/cleaning supplies, get those. 

To Do Upon Arrival, even before unpacking:

  • Get there about an hour before the moving truck and do the following:
  • Re-check all the lights/taps/toilet/appliances/AC/Heater.  Things might have happened and you’ll want to call the repair guy ASAP if something needs fixing.
  • Introduce yourself to your neighbors if they’re home.  This will help prevent things like parking issues or noise complaints, there’s a good chance they’ll actually help, and if you’re REALLY lucky they’ll cook and you don’t have to get takeout.
  • Also if you do need to call a repair guy they probably know someone.
  • clean up any obvious messes before they get blocked by boxes.
  • Hydrate and have a snack before lifting.

DO NOT ATTEMPT ON DAY 1

  • Keep all pets and probably young children contained/boarded/at a friend or relative’s house until all the boxes and furniture is inside to prevent escape.  
  • Hell, you’re probably exhausted. Leave them with grandma overnight.
  • Do Not Attempt to assemble disassembled furniture on day one.  you will do it wrong and possibly slice your hand open with the allen wrench somehow and have to go to the urgent care
  • try not to go to the urgent care in general.
  • Don’t bother answering any email, texts, voicemails or nonemergency forms of communication.  you’re busy.  Possibly you are busy eating chinese and crying, but you are busy.
  • Exercise. you already did a ton of heavy lifting and cardio.  don’t go jogging and pass out in an unfamiliar neighborhood.

Reccomended:

  • If you own the place or feel confident enough in your spackle and paint abilities to get your damage deposit back, put a nail in a wall and hang something up.  It’s your space now.
  • If you don’t, hang something up with blue tac anyway.  Still your space.